How do you live a life, anyway?

I've always had this problem. Some of it probably has to do with my raging ADHD, some of it probably has to do with as-of-yet-undiagnosed brain chemicals swirling around in my head, and some of it probably has to do with my extreme shyness and general lack of a social network. But it's a real head-scratcher for me when it comes down to it.

So I'm Grace, I have a husband, I'm almost twenty-eight, I work a low-skill job that I find strangely fulfilling, I like to eat, and I like to learn. So now what?

Is this what life's all about?

I don't really know how to live my life to the fullest. Actually, I don't really know how to live my life, period. For most of my life, I've swung between two extremes - either I'm involved with something and checkin' off my to-do list like crazy, or I'm sitting on the couch, staring at my computer and thinking so what should I do with my free afternoon?

How should I live my life?

For the past few years, I've treated life like one of my favorite things in the world - a to-do list. I love to plan and think and organize and get things done (certain kinds of things, at least). I'll plan and organize my life down to the millisecond, if you let me. Sometimes I'll even do a task for the express purpose of checking it off my list, I'm that bad.

But this is my problem: Once my list is done, the kitchen is organized, I've put out my clothes for the next day, and I've eaten the correct number of calories, I'm kind of lost. After everything that needs to be done is done, what do I do then? My jerk reaction is to sit on the couch and play computer games or watch TV. Sometimes, if I'm feeling adventurous, I'll browse articles from the Journal of Sociology. Unfortunately, that only fills some of the time. What do I do with the rest of my time? What do I do with the rest of my life?

I've come to the conclusion that living my life like it's a to-do list doesn't really work for me. Once the stuff is all done, I feel like my life is all done. And that's just depressing, to say the least.

I guess I could live my life just because it's, well, life. But how do I do that? Isn't living life a lot of doing stuff? How do I separate the to-dos from the done? How do you do things like "have fun" if such things don't have a set purpose or a set beginning or a set end? Heck, what are the rules of life?

I have no clue.