Seven

My student, like many autistic kids, repeats a variety of words and phrases throughout the day. It's some kind of self-stimulation, which is great for the kid, but not so great for those of us who don't like to hear AND THEN, THOMAS THUNDERED BY for the 832nd time that day. It can get pretty annoying after a while. Occasionally, at least, you'll get the kids who repeat such random stuff that I can't help but laugh. Like the kid who would make his voice the deepest, growliest voice you ever did hear, cover his mouth with his hand, and then start belting out Frosty the Snowman. Or the kid who would repeat the Microsoft Windows voice-assisted start-up menu. Or the kid who would repeat the DVD menu options... but only in Japanese. They're hilarious. Except when their stim is leaning over really close next to your ear and giving out ear-curdling screams (like my little guy used to do.).

Anyway, my current student doesn't have much language, and what he has is usually unintelligible to those of us who don't watch the television shows he must be watching on a daily basis. Some of what he says I can make out, like I'M JESSICA. No, you're not Jessica, I'll remind him. He usually stares at me, shrieks in annoyance, and tells me I'M JESSICA once again, just louder and that much closer to the don't-tell-me-no-or-I'll-attack-you mood. Ear-curdling screams were so much more my thing.

But more than anything, I really can't stand when my kid repeats one word in particular. He'll say "seven" throughout the day, but he accents the second syllable and drags it out, so it comes out as SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN. It just lacks the entertainment value of demonic Frosty, frankly. It's also killing my summer.

I like Sudoku. In my ever more fervent quest to find relaxing activities that do not involve food and/or vassalizing virtual civilizations and taking their dyes, all the dyes, I try to do Sudoku, but there are numbers in Sudoku.

So, I've put all nine sixes on the grid. I have a four here, and an eight here, so this box must be a SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN.

No, Grace, concentrate. It's summer. Everyone retains at least one item of clothing on their bodies at all times. Your biweekly trips to get your glasses fixed are no longer necessary. You can let your work go and just relax.

So here's the eight, and this much be a sev- SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN.

Seriously, kid? December through June, and you only missed school one day. Let me have my summer.

SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN!

At which point I let loose several words that are not appropriate for a classroom environment, throw down my Sudoku puzzle, and go do something else. Like play Civilization.

Oh look, I just met the seventh civilization on the map!

SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN!

Shut up, you. I'm playing Civilization right now and it is 770 BC and I'm having fun.

SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN!

You're enjoying this, Grace. Just focus on making a trade with Shaka for his dye. It's a good one, he's offering you 7 gold per turn!

SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN!

At which point I throw the computer, cry, and go hide under the covers and try to sleep.

But sometimes, when I can't get to sleep, I count from one to one hundred in my head.

SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN! SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN! SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN! SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN! 

No! Go away! No! No!

SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN! SEVEEEEEEEEEEEN!

And slowly, ever so slowly, I slip further into oblivious insanity.